Just another day without ......

Weekends, used to be so looking forward to. Now a days I kinda dread weekends. If there is no activities to keep me busy. The lonesome feeling comes back to me right in the face. Its just no longer the same. Just fri night, James been screwing me up due to the recently upset that I had. Telling me lots and lots of stuff. Like what they think and tried to do at that point of time. I know tears would not solve any problem. But I could not control tears from overflowing from my heart. Once again, my emotions strike me at that point of time when i was feeling weak. Caught me unaware. Sneak up and just enter my heart. The more he said, the more I tried to fight back those tears. Being friends for so long. Not many had seen me in such a state. None of them, could stand what I had become. He even told me, they don't see that the relationship would come out good. In fact they find it, its good for me that it had ended. Theres many reason behind their thoughts. As he had said, I am some one who will put in all once in a relationship, but is the other party the same as well. That I dunno how to answer him. Part of me feel it that way, another part of me rebutt on that thinking. Its another internal battle inside of me. The side that rebutt that thinking still wants her back. The other side of me wanted to just forget. Its a tag of war of no end. Saying not to think about all these stuff and numbing my own feelings. But in the actual fact, every single thing affect me in a way, whether its concerning her or not. In my mind thers the constant thought of her. Weighing all pros and cons, is it worth it. Is she? I am lost for words. If theres a guide to all matters in the world. I wish it could show me the way. What others are telling me is opposit of what I hope for. Could they be right. Or am i just blind. Matters concerning the hearts is so complicated. Who will be the one. And when will the one appear? Opportunity never knock twice. But the one knocking is it just a hoax or is it for real? You reap what you sow. Is that the case in matter of love? Is it my karma that I had to feel this way? There is too many unknown that it fog my mind. Does own my heart lie to me? Or am I not thinking straight? Logic and feelings ... Could a feeling just fade so easily? Or just an excuse? Of so many people, fate brought me to her. Was it meant to be a joke? A prank on heaven's part? The things I once had believe in just shoot right back at me. Every thing that I thought i did right turn out to be wrong. Am I wrong right in the begining for believing in I was right? These I could never find an answer to it. Even though surrounded by people who does not think it is worth. If she were to come back, I would still open both arms and welcome her. Is that allowing myself to be bitten twice? All of these I do not know. Just deep down, she indeed took quite a big piece of me with her.


Each night falls mark the ending of a day.
It wouldn't stop, no matter sad or gay
Each star mark our fate
Mine no longer put a smile on my face.
Each tear mark her love once so strong
The feelings of before that kept me bond
Each beat of my heart mark my life
If only it could show me what my future lies