Living in hope make life more worthwhile

Does this applied to false hope as well

This feeling started to dwell

How much I wish it would go away

To my dismay its like bound to stay

Turning back time was never possible

Who am I to wish for the impossible

Love turn to hate I could not bear

As long as I truely still care

Ironic it may seem

May be I am just as dim

Wheres my guiding light

To lead me out this darkest night

Welcome me back to normal life

Or deep inside I wish for otherwise

My Day?

Another year added to my age. Birthdays .... was so looking forward to it when i was young. Where good food, laughter and presents are expected. But as I get older, birthdays seem to changed. Its a day that people telling me, I should be more mature as the years goes by and be more sensible. It kinda had a more serious tone.

Whats behind the meaning of celebrating one's birthday? To mark another year goes by without any harm. That the devil haven caught up with him yet?

Or another year closer to ur call on the death roll? Leaving all of the earthly belongings that does not last forever? Why specially celebrate the day that you were born? In my opinion, if you are happy no matter what day it is, it will be whatever day u made it to be.

Abit ironic that I am writing all these on my own birthday. Neither excited nor really looking forward. May be I have lost my sanity? reason of being happy or what so ever.

All of these does not really matters any more. Cuz not just birthdays, basically all the other reason for celebration seem so meaningless. Especially there no one special to share with. I would like to say sorry to all those friends who tried so hard to wish me on my birthday today. It just dun seem to be my usual joyous mood. But I am grateful to each of you for remembering the day my mum brought me to this world.

A New Year

A new entry for the new year. Basically nothing have changed much for me ... Better this way? Or is it .. who is there to tell ..

A feel of celebration is felt in the air

Quick glance at the crowd, frown in despair

With the party sound booming and plenty time to spare

All those people who are making merries without any care

Wish I could be one of them for once to be heckcare

What are the possibilities, the chances are rare

I just stood at the corner and watch fireworks flare

Beauty and sensation are all gone with a glare

If theres a standard for each, how do I fare

Looking back in the past I do not dare

All is left is go back to my laire

Fuck This World

Damn ... a damn freaking boring night with no where to go. Kaozz .. Rest of the people all dunno go where to die liao. Seriously, where are the so call friends when u need them. When they need help, all of them just appear from no where. When u are in need, all just disappear.

Why cant any one just let me do my stuff at my own time? All expect i were to be free at all times? Freaking hell. Already had enough stuff on my mind to kill me yet ...

All of the sudden, I felt I am in total solitare. No one seem to understand nor comprehand. In this no man Island all by myself. I is neither that I wish for. How long could I keep my sanity, when I no longer seem to sane. What happen to those good old days, where people pat on their chest and calling each other brother. Guess too much tv really got mixed up in reality. Who can one really depend on in life? Family? Friends? GF? BF?

To hell all of them I would say. Its each man for himself in this heartless stupid world. One would expect good by doing good. It does not work that way any more. People dun appreciate what is being done yet asking for more.

What do they want from me? How much more can i give? when will enough be enough?

What is in the name of fate. What are the chances of you meeting your true friends and knowing they will be there for you when you needed the most. People meet each other on the terms by chance. Have you ever wonder why in billions of other human beings out there but you get to know this some one. A true friend? A fling? Soulmate? The right one? Or some one to wreck your life apart?

Like once i had said to my friend, meeting the right person at the right time, but how were you to know if you were to meet the wrong person at the right time or meeting the right person at the wrong time? And if happens that you were to meet the right person at the wrong time, would it mean that you will never get to meet the right person at the right time?

It may seem confusing the way that i am saying all these. But in actual fact, I believe in putting the effort. Is it possible of the wrong person that you meet at the wrong time be right for you? And the right person whom you meet at the wrong time to stay with you till the right time? Love cannot be force that i would not deny, but is it possible for it to be nurture? Who is willing to put in the effort and who is willing to take the risk? Have you thought bout it before, what if you had missed your right person or the right time.

A chance in a life time

I once held you

Going with the choice you made

I let you go

Been some time since i update this blog. Have not been really resting. Most of the time would be going out either to bowl, coffee bean, ktv, drinking or just bumming around. Been busy with work as well, guess near to end of the year every company will be the same. Due to auditing and closing of accounts.

In other two weeks will be going off to KL for my company Dinner and Dance. The theme has already been decided, it will be Pirates Nites. So next week everyone in the company will be going to the costume rental store to choose their costumes. The best thing is even the rental of the costume is paid by the company.

Have not have the time to really think bout other stuff. Well its not that I truely got over or move on. Basically just things just happen to keep me occupied. But when alone and the night is cold, the emotion, the atmosphere even the air felt different.

Man really resist to changes in their surroundings. People will be stuborn with their old habits rather than to adapt to the new place. I wonder am i one of those people that causing me to feel so nostagic regarding certain matters.

Nice guy finish last. That is what thought to be the case, but not totally true in life. I had given my all yet I am not the one. Then the one for you will be everything that I am and everything that I am not. Being too nice to a person could actually bring pain and guilt to the person. I could never understand that logic.

Its may be the thing that I could never understand in life. I always have hate the break up lines of " You deserve some one better" "Its not you, its me" If truely a person deserve some one better yet chooses to be with you, would not that make you appreciate the person even more? Rather than just let the person go away just like that? All of these don't make sense to me.

"Its not you, its me" If its you, had you done anything about it? Would the solution you choose be the best? Basically I believe any one who were to say this line for a break up is full of crap. You tried to make the person feel better but in a way it backfired. This typical break up line is given when you have no excuse or reason to break up. Its like you are tired of the person and trying to get rid of him/her.

How is it to manage a relationship? Is there any equation or formula to it? So there is, please enlighten me. Or just let me continue to day dream in my own world.

In Life....

What really makes up a person life? Life itself is a complicated subject to be really think about. In life is it all planned for? How old you can live up to? What will happen? Different school of teaching have different thoughts. But what I do know is when a person dies. All the remains will be ash and bones.

In our living years, what can we do to make our lives a better one. To be rich? Or earn just enough to live thru each day? To be wealthy in material or knowledge? We keep on finding ways to make our daily life a better one. But is it truly what we are seeking for in this world? When will we step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Is it able to provide for oneself and family consider successful? Owning a car, house and club membership, seem so important. Yes these are human needs. If were to go by Marslow's theory. Of course I don't deny that I am one of them.

But to think it in any other way. Each thing you do has a certain effect on certain events, person or matters. If each person able to fulfilled their needs and ones, who is more successful than the other?

When will I fulfill all my needs, its seem to be I am only obtain survival, safety and abit of social needs. Why only abit you may ask. There is still a need in me that had not been fulfill yet. Even so some people will still deem to see me in a more successful aspect compare to themselves. But in actual sense am I?